Friday, October 16, 2009

Let me go....THE BOX

"In my head there's only you now & this world falls on me."

With all the free time, I've been looking to the past; scrap-booking & discarding every insignificant thing I've kept. What I found was a bunch of baggage I have hidden & stored away trying to forget their existence. I found the BOX, a box every girl has to keep the memories & mementos of their past loves. I found the only one I had. The box I forgot to forget. BUT successfully I have kept from my thoughts for enough time to move on.

After reading the EMAILS, love notes, & listening to his mix he made before his departure. I could see CHEMISTRY....

Why do we always look to the past? Maybe it's because it's safe, knowing what already happened. Finding comfort in what was instead of what is now...uncertainty.

I went through the BOX, scrap-booked what was left, just a memory.

"I dream ahead of what I hope for & I turn my back on loving you."

Saturday, October 3, 2009

What's left of me?

D.I.: A place where one man's trash is another man's treasure.

"Watch my life pass me by in the rear view mirror, pictures frozen in time are becoming can have all that's left of me."

My face burned like fire, but I kept looking down. I couldn't help, but realize how close I was to this guy, a D.I. employee?

STRANGER DANGER! After we drove off, it hit me, I was
BLUSHING! Something I haven't done in such a long time that I didn't recognize it. I was surprised, heat was not only in my cheeks, but my forehead and the rest of my face. A guy was flirting with me while I was being charitable?
It all started as we pulled up to the drop off place behind D.I., my sister rolled my window down for me to give the workers my stuff I was donating.

D.I. guy smiling, "Is this for me?" I was taken off guard and confused by the question. I handed him the bags quickly, & replied, "Umm...yeaaahh. Thanks." He didn't take his eyes off me. As we busted out in laughter driving off, Bre glanced back as he was going through my stuff already. Bre laughed, "He was staring at you & flirting with you!"
Embarrassed & obviously blushing, she mocked me as she said, "You would like him! He's your type; a cute nerd."

I was still wounded from baseball boy & couldn't even grasp the concept of "other fish in the sea."

Damaged goods, is what I would call myself. After the baseball boy situation over the summer. I would say I'm not worth flirting with to anyone...but maybe, D.I. was much more than dropping off old items you didn't want anymore, but realizing that other people would love to have them. As strange as this sounds, maybe I'm the item.

I guess that's the blessing (an epiphany) I get for going to D.I. & donating clothes!

"Will you take what's left of me?"

The strange thing is that I haven't felt the "za za zoo" in a long time. *za za zoo-Sex & the City reference for butterflies.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

CuRse Of cUrVes...

I'm FAT!!!

I have no idea how it happened, okay, I might I am 127 lbs! Never in my 22 years of life have I weighed so much!

I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat.

Living at home again is hard to say the least. I thought I'd be strong enough to endure before I leave on my mission. I was wrong.

I have been eating to escape...the reality of life.

The reality is I'm unhappy & fat. The most embarrassing part is when I realized I was fat at CD pool swimming with my family. Everyone went down the big slide & so I went down....SLOWLY. I stopped in the middle of the slide & only made it all the way down is because a little kid behind me rammed into me sending me all the way down the slide.