Wednesday, March 31, 2010


"I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming..."
I got my "mission call", well my mini-mission call tonight. Instead of serving for 18 months; I will be serving for 12 weeks on a trial mission to see if I'll be okay physically & mentally. To be honest I wasn't ready to hear it and had no idea it was coming & as fast as it will. I have only 2 weeks to prepare. 2 WEEKS to tie up all loose ends. To say goodbye to my family and friends. I didn't get to do all the things I wanted. I wanted so much to fufill the righteous desires of my heart. I finally got to the point where I understood and realized it wasn't a sin and that I shouldn't feel guilty about what I want. I want to be in Provo. I wanted to be available...I wanted to be available for the possibility...of dating. I want time to finish up school. I want to be 22! I want to be happy. I want to have fun and enjoy my life. I WANTED to finally get back to naturally this mini mission comes at the worse timing, but perfect timing for reality & for the Lord's will.

I know the Lord knows the right timing for everything & everything happens when it's suppose to. I know I'm doing what is right. I am doing everything in my power to show the Lord I'm willing to sacrafice to serve him. Although I have been overwhelmed with everything over the past couple of months, I am certain I can do anything through the Lord & with the strength of Christ.
"Keep on moving. Keep climbing. Keep the faith. It's all about the climb."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A new day has come...

MARCH 25, 2010

"I love to see the temple. I'll go inside someday. I'll covenant with my father. I'll promise to obey. For the temple is a holy place."
I will be able to go to the temple in Salt Lake City. I'm so happy and completely calm and peaceful. I am truly grateful I got to share this experience with those closest to me. I love my family & friends more than ever from learning how much our Father in Heaven loves me.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

start a new trend; wear your heart on your sleeve.

All year I've been anticipating the day I become a SISTER missionary & dreading the day I have to wear SISTER missionary clothes.


Here's a tribute to my fashion style inspirations.

Lauren Conrad, Lady GAGA, Camilla Belle, Emma Watson, Jessica Alba, Nicole Richie, Rachel Bilson, & Taylor Swift.

I figure it's a new year & a new style.....unlike the other sister missionaries I have my secret style weapon, my personal stylist:

BRE: the Rachel Zoe of my life. Her style & fashion sense is so BAANNANAS! I literally die, it's so cute. Thanks to her, I will do my traveling & missionary work in STYLE.

"No one on the corner have swagga like us"

Monday, February 15, 2010

S-ingles A-wareness D-ay

"ALL THE SINGLE LADIES....." in Happy Valley....
I got to spend Valentines weekend in the delightful "Happy Valley," and it really was. I love LOVE my friends! So many things happened within the 2 week stay. I L-O-V-E movies, hot-tubing, restaurants, sushi, scooters, BC rooftop, temple trips, girl bonding, BANGS, & BOYS BOYS BOYS! Even though I didn't have an "official crush," my bestie Seth said he'd be my Valentine...only if I'd be his.

"There you have it, folks. Young love, full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality."

It was a CRAZY rollar-coaster ride when my best chick-friends met my best friend Seth. They fell in love & wondered why I wasn't. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. It was good to know for myself how I really feel about him. It felt so good to spend the LOVE holiday with people who do love me. Things fell back into place. Life started making sense. I started to think of last Valentine's Day & baseball boy. "We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you."
REALITY, he doesn't really like you-NO exception! Even in my case, I met his new girlfriend, but luckily I got to spend time with my ideal man to avoid the ex-crush.
I realized after seeing the LOVEY DOVEY Valentine movie, which depicted different aspects of my life; the dating, the best guy-friend, & the rejection.

"You don't keep inklings to yourself! You share them! You're like hey guy, I got an inkling you're headed for a fall here! That's what friends do, that's common knowledge, it's in the damn handbook!"

I really wish someone would have warned me about baseball boy last year. It would have saved me from heartache & my precious time. My closest friends knew what I didn't want to know. He just wasn't into me.

It took a WHOLE year to learn this lesson, if a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen. I'm such a Gigi to get wrapped up in something that's not there, but she does fall in LOVE a whole lot more times than anyone else (like me).

"Because this girl, she is great! She's like... like sunshine. Everything is better when she's there. I can't stand the idea of some jerk hurting her, I just can't. I can't."

i need to take the wisdom from both movies.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "
This Valentine's weekend; changes happened..."I got BANGS!" I'm starting over. I am opening my eyes & seeing the signs & new guys. I know now who'll be in my life forever & ones only making an appearance. I am over last year baseball boy! & I know what I want in a guy from seeing my ideal man. I don't need a boy; I have my friends. My happy ending is truly....moving on.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

scope the nose


PAINFUL PAINFUL PAINFUL is the best word to describe my doctor's appointment today. I saw a speech pathologist that conducted a test where they stuck a scope down my nose to look down my throat while I swallowed. 4 tries!!! & on the 5th with a different doctor she got in all the way in.

"It's okay, you can cry. She's tough, I didn't want to torture her more."

It was complete torture & even the good doctor couldn't put someone through that much pain.

"It's okay, think happy thoughts"....where did my thoughts lead me? The only place that came to mind was playing catch with baseball boy & late-night walks with him. On the other tries it was to hard to think of something else. It hurt too much. Anything and everything else I thought of wasn't going to hold it's own with the pain. A memory that was already painful.

Once they got the camera in, I choked on it.

My nose is small.

I didn't think it could get worse, but I found out I'd have to do it again, but for longer & further down into my throat. To help, they sprayed some numbing product twice into my throat, which made me gag & choke. Then the nurse asked how old I was & I said 22, then she said you're older than me. I'm 20.


Getting the camera scope down my nose again proved to only be accomplished under rare circumstances. They tried & tried, both nostrils until they made me bleed. It hurt TONS! I knew they had to do it, so I endured & tried to keep myself from crying. So finally they gave up on the nose, then they shoved it down through my mouth, that made me cough & choke. 12 swallows of water holding my breath for 30 seconds after each swallow. I wanted to punch the assistant when she would tell me the wrong number of swallows left. After 45 minutes of torture I was done. I bursted into tears as I delayed the pain they did to me. IT was painful & hard emotionally to let them keep going.

Aftermath, they can't fix me. They don't know how it happened, but my upper & lower throat muscles aren't working correctly. It's unpredictable, sometimes my swallows are fine. BUT come back if it gets worse...thanks.

Monday, January 4, 2010

CAUGHT in a bad romance...

"I want your love & I want your revenge. You & me could write a bad romance."

What is it about 2010 that everyone is getting married? There must be something in the water!

WTF! why are all my guy friends getting engaged? I don't see the appeal of being married or legally binding yourself to another person.

Almost all my guy friends are getting married. It's not enough to lose all my chick-friends to marriage.
"I don't want to be friends."

Other than the fact I had a 2 year head start, but for them to be the ones to jump into engagements, it's insane. I don't think I'm old enough, let alone boys being old enough to be husbands & fathers.

"I want your love, love, love, love."

My normal response to the news: I can't believe that he's engaged. I am so happy for him. I'd like to meet the girl that tame the beast, BUT I knew there had to be a prince underneath it all.

"I want your love & all your lover's revenge."

I wonder, where's my happy ending...& to have an ending you must have a beginning. When does happiness start?